thoughts

portland
i’ve been wanting to write a birthday wish list for a while now, but i’ve tried several times & i just can’t seem to get anything out.
it feels forced… which is strange since i really do love so very many things.
i guess i’ve come to the realisation that the things i really want for my birthday aren’t specifically material things.
i want to spend time with my favourite people. proper time. time to have long conversations over delicious meals. coffee dates, brunches, afternoon tea, long lunches… & dinners that stretch into endless evenings of wonderful conversations.

i want to reconnect.

for all the wonder that is the internet it can sometimes make me feel so very disconnected from my actual life. i feel i spend so much time online – constantly tinkering, gaining inspiration, watching movies & tv shows, instagram-ing & connecting with friends abroad…not that all of this is a bad thing! staying in touch with friends abroad or interstate is wondrous!
we trade lengthly letters, care packages & Skype chats. we tell each other all of our news – all of the happenings in our life crammed into & around the card/letter that we’ve so patiently written to one another.

through writing i seem to have found the freedom to express exactly what it is that i’m feeling, where as this version – the in person version – is heavily filtered. i’m rather certain my standard response to “what’s been happening?” is “oh not much, just work…” which is infuriating to hear myself say because it simply is not true! so much is happening! so much is going on but i just don’t feel that openness or ability to share it, at least not in person. it’s as if my filter on “life” has become as ridiculous as the privacy settings on my Facebook!

i miss connecting with people.

i had dinner with some girlfriends the other night & it truly was brilliant. delicious food, wine & wonderful conversation. i found myself quieter than i usually am, preferring to sit & listen to the conversation that was happening around me. it’s when i realised…
things are changing, my life is changing & i am changing.
my priorities have shifted.
things that were previously important to me no longer are…& vice versa.
i want time to spend with my favourite people.

not just for my birthday, but always.
xxx

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